Tuesday, May 5, 2009

My father's words of wisdom


by Mr. Subbu Subramaniam
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According to Sri Sri Babathakur, a "Guru" is the one who provides us with the light to destroy our ignorance and helps us grow. He has often emphasized that our parents are our first gurus since they are the one who brought us into this world, and they are the ones who provide us with our first lessons in life. In the following article, Mr. Subramaniam reflects upon the deeper meaning of the lessons his father had taught him while he was growing up.


I never realized the power behind some of the things my father used to mention from time to time. It has been more than a dozen years since he passed away, and some of these words come back to me now. I cannot claim to be living these words all the time, but as I begin to understand my father better, I realize that he really was living them. Perhaps if I share them with more people, I can do better at living these values myself.

"What you give, you get. What you get, you lose. What you lose, you give"

I don't know if the original source of the quote was my father, but I have heard these words from him often. The play of words impressed me back then. The philosophy behind it has just about started sinking in.

The first part of the quote talks about giving. My father always believed that you need to have earned anything you get. And the way you earn your good fortune is by giving. I grew up as a member of a lower middle class family in India. We never starved, nor were we ever denied our education for want of funds. We did lead a very simple life though, even by Indian standards of the 60s and 70s.

Throughout all this, my father's motto of giving never changed. He could afford little, yet give he did. He also gave a lot with his body and mind, being available to help anyone in need at any time. I can never forget the time when my father came home saying that an assistant of his would be eligible for promotion if he took a leave of absence for a month, and that assistant filled up his position during that month. He happened to have enough vacation, so he applied for a month off right away. The best part was that he went to work every day of that month to help that assistant since the assistant was not yet familiar with things! My father was on leave merely on paper!

The second part warns us not to gloat over something that we’ve received for "free". For, if something came our way without our earning it, it is bound to evaporate just as quickly as it came! We’ve all encountered this on several occasions.

The last part helps us deal with our losses a little easier. I remember clearly, the day I walked in from school saying that I lost my brand new Physics text book! My mother was upset (it would cost to get another one), but my father just said the words above, and asked us to imagine that we had given it away to someone in need. He asked me to go and get a text book right away, and write my name on the book.


"Compare lower, not higher"

Like every child, I too had my list of things I wish I could posses. I used to come up with examples of people who were "lucky" enough to afford a fancy bicycle, a TV, or a fun week at Kulu/Manali. His advice to me on these occasions was to compare myself with those who have less than me, not the other way around. "You will feel much better that way," he would say.

Growing up in India helped in this regard. All we needed to do was to step out and look around. Within a few minutes, we would be able to spot many people much less fortunate than ourselves. Instantly one would feel better realizing that he was at least fed and clothed, and not needing to worry about there being dinner on the table. In that sense, it is a little harder for children growing up in America, for the less fortunate are not so easily visible.

I don't ever recall him reminding me that this holds true for education too. I think he never worried about my grades, only about my effort. He was willing to accept the grade I got, but not willing to see me loitering around, not studying or doing my home work. When I got a bad grade in Hindi (a tale of a "madrasi" having a hard time digesting the fancy literature of Sur Das and Prem Chand), his only response was that he would be glad to engage a tutor for me. Taking tuition (outside of school) was below dignity back then, and I refused, deciding to go at it with my own efforts. Sorry for digressing, but I sort of got carried away recollecting my early years!


"Forget what you give, remember what you get"

He never ever allowed us to talk ill of someone who was (say) not very nice to us in spite of what we did to him. He used to say, "When you help someone, do it with your full heart, never expecting anything in return. It does not matter if that person changed colors later - you should have the satisfaction of having done something for someone in need".

On the other hand, he used to say "Always remember what someone gives you -- including small gifts". Be sure to mention to them how grateful you are, or how much you love the gift they gave you". If I think about it now, not only does it make the other person feel much better, it induces the giver into give even more! The large scale effect of this can be really amazing.

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